but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
