would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
