I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
