Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
