I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
