put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
