Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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