mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
