He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
