____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
