if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
