Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
