There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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