i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
