Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
