Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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