Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
