see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
