Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
