So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
