you would pick up someone in the library
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
