you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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