sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
