He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
