Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
