Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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