I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
