Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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