piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
