that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
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