It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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