Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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