you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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