That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
