He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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