I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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