I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
