I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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