There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
