The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
