my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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