the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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