I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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