Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
