there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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