Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
