I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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