Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
