and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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