Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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